I’ve been a tad bit serious around these parts this week (not that there’s anything wrong with that) so I thought I’d lighten things up around here. I’m fairly certain Friday is the perfect day for poking fun at oneself.
Remember, oh a month ago?, when I posted a crazy picture of my swollen ankle? Well I received a ton of question asking how I hurt it.
Here’s the thing…..I don’t know.
I’m not what you would call coordinated. At all.
My friend Heather sent me this link from Buzzfeed and before I even got past number one I had two stories about my lack of coordination.
I have a moderately high pain threshold, especially when it comes to sports, so I tend to injure myself somewhat frequently, I also bruise easily, so I’m pretty much an absolutely disaster most of the time. Don’t ever expect me to be able to explain how I got a bruise. If I needed to keep track of every time I bumped into something, I’d never get anything done.
Waaaay back when I first started blogging (this was in 2006 or 2007) I wrote an entire post about tripping up a curb.
I was lost in thought (as I usually am) walking from my house to the mailbox. As this was a residential neighbourhood, the curbs were not of the harsh 90-degree variety, but were the nice slanted curbs and I managed to trip up it.
This is one of the few instances where I didn’t injure myself, but quickly looked around to make sure no one saw and carried on my way. <– I’m quite good at recovering from “incidents”.
The most recent one happened on a work trip in 2012. I was walking back to our accommodations with a coworker and completely missed the curb.
As in, I stepped up on the curb, but my foot missed it and my knee hit the curb right on the corner.
Yup, it hurt.
Yup, I bruised.
Did I mention this was 10 days before a half marathon?
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before on here, but I’ve broken both of my elbows.
Seriously. Both of them.
The second time is a far better story. And by better I mean illustrates my complete lack of coordination the best.
In the winter of 2005 (pause. Realize that was now nine years ago. Carry on) I was walking back to my car after finishing up at work while chatting with my bf on the phone. Somehow I managed to slip and fall and hit my humerus on the ice when I fell.
Note: it wasn’t humorous. Sorry. I had to. I get it from my mother.
After I scrambled to my feet I tearfully told my bf that I thought I had broken my arm.
Now he was quite accustomed to my complete lack of ability to walk, so he told me it probably just felt like I broke my arm.
I gingerly made my way down the icy street to my car and when I went to drive off I had a bit of a problem. I couldn’t straighten my left arm. At all.
I managed to call a friend who had his girlfriend pick me up at my car and drop me off at the hospital.
Yes it was broken. Not only was it broken, but it is also held together with a pin and wire because I did a number on it.
No, it doesn’t set off airport metal detectors.
Yes, the bf felt badly. He even brought me books and food, except I couldn’t eat the food because I was on-call for surgery.
This one is interesting as I’m not 100% sure how it happened.
I was working on a group project at university and somehow managed to fall out of my chair.
What? It happens…..
When I fell I had a mechanical pencil in my hand and I managed to jam it into my thigh. I thought the pencil lead just broke off, but it turns out it broke off in my leg. To this day I still have a dot on my leg from where the pencil broke.
When I was 15 I was on a trail ride with my mom and my sister. The horse I was riding did not like to walk over logs on the trail. Heck, she didn’t like to go over them at all. At one point I dismounted to lead her over and she ended up launching herself over the log and landed on my right foot.
It was black and blue for days.
It still bugs me.
For my 16 or 17 birthday I asked for roller blades. I’m not sure why as I never learned how to ice skate, probably because my friends had them, so I wanted them too? I got crappy Canadian Tire roller blades, so they didn’t always roll very well.
My lack of balance earned me the name penguin because I moreso waddled when I roller-bladed and looked like a penguin (thanks, Mat).
When I was 18 I was rollerblading with my boyfriend at the time and he decided to push me from behind. I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but I managed to fall and in the process left most of my left kneecap on the pavement. What did I do? Continued to Rollerblade and then went to the store with massive amounts of blood dripping down my leg. Yeah, I’m a total badass. I also remember one of my high school teachers seeing me (either at the store or while rollerblading) and asking if I was okay…
Which brings me to my ankle.
I still have no idea what I did to it, but there are a few options.
1 – Opened a drawer into it. I have storage drawers under my bed, so it’s entirely possible that I opened a drawer into my ankle and just don’t remember.
2 – It may be irritated from the poorly fitting shoes. I retied them on three different occasions to see if they might fit better that way, or this way, or the other way. Obviously I was tying them too tight because they were too big.
So really, my ankle is buggered up because of my stupidity and lack of coordination.
Tell me: What’s your best/worst coordination story?
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