Last week Jen wrote an absolutely amazing post on her current stance on having children. I found myself nodding along to her post and when I shared it in my link love post I started to write my own thoughts. Well, these thoughts just kept getting longer and longer, so I figured I should pen my own post, from a slightly different point of view.
I’m 33, divorced, and am currently single.
The currently single is a pretty big hurdle in the kids equation. People raise children alone all the time, so I certainly don’t believe that I must be in a relationship in order to have kids; however, I have absolutely no desire to raise a child on my own.
The day Jen published her post, I had a conversation with another friend of mine about kids (timely, right?) and whether or not we want them.
When trying to decide if something is, or isn’t important to me, I like to look to the future.
If I don’t do _____ will I regret it? (This would be why I booked a trip to Hawaii).
How would I feel if I did ______?
When I think about children and my future, it’s a grey area. I don’t see kids, but I also don’t not see kids.
My life since my separation and divorce has been somewhat of a roller-coaster, but I’ve finally (mostly) come to a place where I truly love myself. I’m in a place where I can confidently say “yes” or “no” to certain situations and where I can trust my own judgement.
Getting back into dating means that the desire to have children will eventually come up. So, while I’m open to the idea of children, I absolutely do not have any kind of biological draw to have children. I do think it would be kind of neat to be pregnant, but I also know that pregnancy is also totally ridiculous thanks to my amazing and honest friends.
As many of my friends do have children, I work to tell them that it’s not that I dislike kids, I generally think kids are pretty cool (unless they’re being whiny assholes, in which case I shall direct them straight back to their parents), I just don’t know if they’re right for me.
When my ex and I were married, we never really made a decision about children. It was never a yes, nor a no, and thankfully, we didn’t have to suffer the questions from our family members. We were married quite young (pro tip: getting married at 22 is maaaaaybe not always the best decision) and were focused on building our lives and careers for a large part of our marriage. We enjoyed being independent and having our freedom, so the kid conversation never came up in more detail than a passing thought.
Thinking about it now, while I fully believe I would make an absolutely kickass parent, I don’t believe that I need to have children in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life.
I am 100% taking on the cool aunt role with all of my friends’ children.
More and more, I see a number of my friends making the same choices.
I also don’t believe it is ever (seriously, ever) my place to inquire if someone will or will not have children. By asking, we too often forget that there are biological reasons to not have a child. I’ve seen friends experience the train-wreck of infertility and I believe asking is insensitive.
With all that said, I’m completely open to the possibility I may meet someone and have an overwhelming feeling of I must have babies with you, but if that doesn’t happen, I’m also perfectly content to be the cool aunt.
So, friends, if you need someone to teach your kids how to swear or do stupid stuff, I’m your gal.
Did you struggle with the decision to have children?
Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud.
Linking up with Karen for Let’s Get Real.
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